She told you she’s pregnant…now you might be freaking out.
Maybe you’re in high school or college. Or maybe you already have other kids to support. You might even be wondering if you have a say in the pregnancy at all.
Here’s a few pointers on how you should handle this newfound information.
My girlfriend is unexpectedly pregnant…now what?
1. Be real with yourself
You are probably flooded with all sorts of overwhelming questions and emotions. How did this happen – it was just one time? I’m in high school, I can’t be a dad! I am on college scholarship drowning in student loans, I can’t afford to support two other people. I already have kids to support…
Whatever your situation is, it’s completely normal to be wondering how this will all work out.
Before jumping into how you will navigate this situation, first figure out what you are truly thinking and feeling. Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- How am I feeling about this pregnancy? Angry, ashamed, overwhelmed, nervous, scared, kind of excited?
- Why am I feeling those things? Am I mad at myself for letting this happen? Am I nervous about what my parents will think of me? Am I scared of what my future will look like? Am I wondering if I even want to be with my girlfriend in the future?
- What is it that I might be scared of? That I won’t be a good dad? That I might not be a good parental figure in my child’s life…after all, I didn’t have a good role model to follow. What if my girlfriend ends up wanting to leave me?
Working through some of these questions can help you figure out where your feelings are coming from.
From there, you can decide how to work through them and whether you want your fears or your courage to drive what pregnancy decision you both choose.
2. Know your role in this pregnancy
Some men may feel like they don’t get a say in the pregnancy since they aren’t the one’s carrying it. Maybe you feel like you need to stay silent or are obligated to tell her you support whatever she chooses.
Even though the final decision may ultimately be hers, unplanned pregnancies involved both the woman and the man, therefore it is your right to voice what you want. And the reality is she more than likely WANTS to know what you think and feel about this too.
If you have strong feelings about the pregnancy, speak up respectfully and with gentleness. Don’t be afraid to share all the questions, feelings, and fears you have been working through. She desperately needs to be affirmed in what your intentions are and know she is not alone.
Make sure you don’t pressure her into making a decision, no matter what you think the right decision is.
If you are scared about financial worries, relational problems, or feeling underprepared to be a father Thrive Women’s Clinic has resources just for you. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
3. Stay calm and listen to her
It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, worried, or even scared or embarrassed. Remember that your girlfriend probably feels the same way. Try to be calm and compassionate as you talk through the situation. Further, try to avoid raising your voice and placing blame.
Try to be supportive as she shares her feelings with you. Let her know that you will be there for her and that you will figure it out together. While she is the one who is pregnant, you both have a responsibility now.
Listen to her. Listen to what she is feeling. Listen to what she wants. Let her know how important she is to you and that you are here with her every step of the way.
Talk to her like you are a team. It is no longer me and you, it is us and we. “We are pregnant. So, let’s make a plan together.” You can start by offering to go with her to a pregnancy test and ultrasound appointment.
Talk through your pregnancy options, what you both want the future to look like, and what steps you need to take to get there together. Regardless of where you think the relationship might end up down the road, you are both parents.
At Thrive Women’s Clinic, we offer free ultrasounds to find out how far along you are (which determines what pregnancy options are available to you). We also offer free pregnancy option counseling to help you be informed in what option and resources are best for you.
4. Make a game plan together
Work with your girlfriend to determine the best plan for her, you, and the pregnancy. There are three options for a woman when she learns she’s pregnant:
The decision you make together will have lifelong effects. Make sure that you are informed about every option and that you both come to a decision together. Call us at 214-343-9263 if you need to talk. We have male counselors who can walk you through your options or just provide an ear to listen.
It can be tempting to try to make this decision alone. While the decision does rest on what you and your partner agree upon, it is always a good idea to get advice from one or two other people you trust, especially if you are considering abortion.
It can be hard to see clearly when in a state of worry and fear. Talking to your parents or a trusted friend can help you see another side to things.
Get Support at Thrive Women’s Clinic
A good next step for you both would be to schedule a free pregnancy consultation. If you live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, schedule an appointment at Thrive Women’s Clinic today.
A pregnancy consultation gives you the important information you need to figure out what your next steps might look like. This includes:
- Free medical-grade pregnancy test (to confirm she really is pregnant)
- Viability ultrasound (to find out how far along she is)
- Pregnancy Option and Resource Counseling (discover all your pregnancy options and resources)
- Abortion Education (risks, side effects, and more)
We also offer a fatherhood mentorship program for men looking for advice and guidance to become strong dads. Don’t navigate this journey alone.
