Those two lines on the pregnancy test can stop your whole world from spinning. Now you’re looking at your life wondering how you can pivot or even if you want to pivot.
You’re not ready, you don’t know what this looks like, you don’t have the financial security you want, you’re not even sure your relationship and situation is a good environment to bring a child into.
Unplanned pregnancy comes with lots of questions and unknowns. But it doesn’t all have to be so overwhelming. Let’s look at how unexpected moments like this can shape you, not just your future.
Unplanned pregnancy isn’t a test of readiness, it’s a call to growth.
The moment everything changes – Normalize the fear
You are not the only one who faces worries when she tells you she’s pregnant. Many men have expressed mixed initial emotions of shock, fear, and excitement.
This moment changes things. While that might feel overwhelming right now, it doesn’t have to mean it’s for the worse. What you’re feeling is real. It’s okay to sit with those fears and figure out where they’re coming from.
Talking openly with your partner will help you feel less alone. She is experiencing an array of complex emotions around this too. You might be afraid you’ll fail her. Or that you’ll repeat mistakes you swore you wouldn’t. Or that this will cost you the life you thought you were building. Talk to her about these things.
Walking through this together will help you process where you both are at.
Validate the invisible pressure of responsibility
When the pregnancy test reads positive, the pressure of responsibility can feel like it’s rising quickly. Recognize and validate that it is real. The weight of responsibility can feel uncomfortable.
But not all pressure is inheritably bad. Pressure in a healthy capacity can actually be a good thing, as it motivates you to grow in resilience, relational communication, and personal growth.
This pressure you’re feeling might actually be the thing that helps push you to overcome obstacles, build skills in problem solving, and learn to adapt to life’s unexpected turns.
It might be helpful to look at this internal pressure as a “challenge to rise to” rather than something threatening you can’t manage.
Growth and responsibility doesn’t usually feel comfortable, but it builds character and a confidence that is unshakable.
Invitation to shift the narrative
You had a plan for how things were going to look – and now reality looks different. It’s okay to acknowledge that this was not part of the plan. It’s okay to grieve the future you thought you were building.
Sometimes life holds the most rewarding things down a path we never would’ve imagined for ourselves. Oppositions and hardships in life are the perfect breeding ground to grow us into stronger, more resilient, responsible, loving people.
Looking back, are there any times in your life you went through a hardship you had to overcome? Are there any areas within that that ended up working out for your good?
An unplanned pregnancy is an opportunity to grow into a more grounded, responsible, and authentic version of yourself. Stepping up to be a supportive partner and protective father can bring a whole new depth and meaning to life, even if it doesn’t feel that way yet.
A Call to Greatness
Many men say that becoming a father didn’t make them feel ready overnight, but it did give them a reason to grow in ways they never had before. Statistics show that when men become dads they:
- Have an increase of self-esteem
- Are motivated to find stable and secure jobs
- Manage money better
- Are more involved in their communities
- Raise children that do well in school and have less emotional and behavior problems when they are present.
There is potential in you that might not have been required until now. You don’t have to have it all figured out today, but you do have a choice in how you respond.
The process of becoming something more is often worth overcoming the emotional and material obstacles in front of you.
If you’re feeling stuck between fear and responsibility and are weighing your options, our male mentors can help you with next steps.
When abortion feels like the only logical option.
Life isn’t easy. You might be thinking abortion is the only option that makes sense right now because of financial, relational, and emotional dynamics.
Talking through these carefully, rather than rushing to a decision, will help you both decide what to do without the weight of pressure.
Our male mentors at Thrive Women’s Clinic can help answer your questions like:
- How will I provide financially?
- What are my next steps?
- Can I actually handle this?
- How do I best support her?
- What if I mess this up?
- How do I not be like my own father?
- Do I even get a say in this pregnancy decision?
We can help you process these concerns and find the available resources and support you need.
Practical Help When You Need It Most – Thrive Men Mentors
Our Male Mentors, at Thrive Women’s Clinic are available to walk through concerns with you in a practical, judgment-free space. We can help you think through finances, next steps, and how to support your partner well.
Our licensed medical professionals are here to provide medical care for your partner, so you can be sure there are no pregnancy complications and ensure what next steps are safest and right for you.
You may not feel ready today, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take it day by day.
More Next Steps & Resources for Him
If you are unsure what to do next, read our article: “My Girlfriend Is Pregnant. What Do I Do?”
If you don’t feel ready to be a dad, read: “Unplanned Pregnancy: What To Do When You Don’t Feel Ready to Be a Dad.”
To make a pregnancy decision together, read our article “How to Make a Pregnancy Decision Together.”
To learn how abortion affects relationship health, read “How Many Relationships Stay Together After Abortion?”
If you want to learn more about your role in this pregnancy and next steps, go to our “For Men” page.